I Thmell Thumthing...

So, today was my first day back to work in THREE YEARS. All things considered, it went really well. Because work went so well, something was bound to go amiss at home...that's just the way my life works. It would be too much to expect that all facets of my life would throw me a bone on the same day. At any rate, whilst I was basking in the moderate success of my first day back to work, I loaded the runts (sans-Sofia) into the car to take Ilaiasi to football practice. All seemed to be going well, but then Kamila randomly started crying. Then, out of seemingly nowhere, the poor girl starts retching and heaving and barfs ALL OVER herself. I watched the tragedy unfold in my rear view mirror, and couldn't do a damn thing about it. Alas.

As I stared in horror at the unfortunate scene unfolding in my backseat, I happened to glance back at Ovaka, who was buckled in next to Kamila. It was pretty awesome to watch his facial expressions transform from mildly surprised to interested to unsure to utterly disgusted. It seemed like Kamila vomited FOREVER, but it probably really only took maybe a minute, and when she was finally done, Ovaka pretended to be bored and slowly raised his little hand, waved it in front of his face, and said, "Um...I thmell thumtheeng." Ya think runt?!

Well, why not?!

So, people have been telling me for months that I should start blogging about all of the ridiculous nonsense my goofball kids do everyday.  Specifically, people often comment about my two year old son, Ovaka, who is known around these parts as The Goat Baby.  Why is he called The Goat Baby, you ask?  Well, the obvious answer is correct in this case: Ovaka is called a goat because he eats EVERYTHING.  Everything.  He has a particular preference for inedible, disgusting, and often expensive items, ranging from chewing the leather off of his shoes to licking dirt off of the field at my oldest son's football practice.  So, yeah...he's a goat.  And on top of that, he is a busy little booger that gets into absolutely everything.  E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.  Everything.  The Goat Baby is a handful.  He's curious.  He's smart.  He's mischievous.  And he's a freaking GOAT that eats EVERYTHING.  Fortunately for him, he's got the most adorable twinkly eyes and a great smile that has saved him from getting severe punishments countless times, and that keep his mother from dropkicking him out the window when he's been super naughty.

Anyway, if you're reading this today, you're probably already familiar with Ovaka and his antics.  I'm thinking I'll just start by archiving some of my Facebook posts here so that all of my Ovaka stories are in one place.  Then, as new incidents happen, I'll add them.  I'm starting today with a sampling of Ovaka's Earliest Goat Moments.  Here are a few of my Facebook pictures and their captions from 2011-2012:

1. December 16, 2011: "Are you serious, Baby Goat? Yes, this just happened: Ovaka ate a giant hole in my comforter. I'm SO ready for this kid to be done teething. Obviously, I was NOT PLEASED to discover his latest meal. He's nuts." 


**Yes, I now realize how delusional I was to think that his chewing was just a passing phase.  Alas.**

2. November 19, 2011: "Me: Ovaka, did you eat the powdered doughnuts?
Ovaka: Uh-uh.
Um...pretty sure he did."


3. November 8, 2011: "The Billy Goat strikes again..."


4. October 26, 2011: "My baby billy goat, munching on some pillow fringe. *I actually had to fish some of the strings out of his mouth!* I honestly feel like I'm raising goats. Yesterday Ovaka ate an entire book of stamps in the time it took me to walk from my bed to my closet to put away some laundry. Seriously??!! Ridiculous."



5.  February 24, 2012: "Ovaka just came up to me, leaned in like he was going to give me a kiss, and then LICKED MY EYEBALL!! What the heck??!! I was so surprised, I didn't even have time to blink. What a weird kid."



6.  April 26, 2012: "The Goat was less than enthused when I told him he had to eat the bagel and not just suck off the cream cheese..."



7.  April 18, 2012: "Ovaka's response to my insistence that he not eat dirt."



8.  April 10, 2012: "It's been hours, and my stomach is still turning: earlier this afternoon, Ovaka pulled the giant scab off of his forehead AND ATE IT before I could fish it out of his mouth!!! Billy goats are super gross."



Ok, #s 9 and 10 don't have pics on my Facebook page, but these status updates were prime examples of The Goat Baby, so I'm adding the captions to a couple of random pics of him.

9.  December 18, 2012:  "There is nothing more frustrating and annoying than having Ovaka tell me he doesn't like a particular food. As I was contemplating what to make for dinner, I became almost irrationally angry when I realized Ovaka probably wouldn't eat what I planned to make. I'm just saying...if you have no problem eating handfuls of dirt, books of stamps, and the leather off of your church shoes, I'm thinking you forfeit your right to be a picky eater."



10.  November 23, 2012: "Care to hear a bit of post-Thanksgiving ridiculousness? My little Goat Baby Ovaka has been scavenging the leftovers all morning. He saw the pecan pie (that he's never tried before) and said, "Ew! Yucky grossy pie!" ....aaaaaand then proceeded to pop several discarded strawberry leaves and stems in his mouth and munch away -- because strawberry stems are not yucky or grossy, right?! Happy Black Friday, all!!"