The Fascination With Bird Poop Continues...

Me: Ovaka, stop eating those cherry tomatoes. You've had enough and I don't want you to get diarrhea.

Ovaka: If I get diarrhea, then I smell like bird poop?

Me: Yes, you don't want diarrhea because then you'll smell like bird poop. Yucky gross.

Ovaka: I do wanna smell like bird poop. If I smell like bird poop, I can turn into a bird. And then I can fly.

Aaaaaand, how do you argue with that logic?

On a completely unrelated note, I am LOVING the iOS 7 update on my phone. The camera now takes rapid fire pics, which is pretty awesome for capturing The Goat in action.  Here is a sequence that took place over a span of maybe 5-ish seconds:

Banished to the Baby Room...

Today at daycare, Ovaka was banished to the baby room.  Apparently, he has a new buddy -- an "older" boy who is a bit on the naughty side -- and Ovaka thinks he needs to do everything this new friend does.  Thus, Ovaka spent much of the morning in time out before finally being banished to the infant room because of his bad behavior.  According to his teachers, the other kid likes to throw things -- toys, books, his shoes (that are not supposed to be off of his feet), and has recruited Ovaka to join in the mayhem.  As I'm sure you've guessed, Ovaka was SOOOOOO down with that.  Frankly, I'd assume OVAKA was the ringleader here if I hadn't heard otherwise from his teacher's own mouth.

Anywhooo...this lovely turn of events allowed me the opportunity to talk to Ovaka about peer pressure, and we did a little role playing on the way home.  It made me giggle, so I taped it, and thought it would be a great little addition to his Goat Baby blog.  Enjoy!  :)

Baby Mine...

I was looking through my old YouTube uploads last night and found this gem: Ilaiasi singing Baby Mine to Ovaka the first time they ever met. Love my boys.  :)

You Smell Like Bird Poop...

I was trying to get Ovaka to talk about what he did at school today.  Once again our conversation derailed and the resultant train wreck is documented for all to see.  Just another convo gone awry...nothing new.  This kid is ridiculous.

Ovaka Sings The Cup Song...Kinda...

So, Ovaka sings this song by himself all the time...unless I want him to sing it so I can record it.  This is the best I could get from him today, but I just love his sweet little voice.  :)

9/15/13 Religion According to Ovaka

So, today's nursery handout was some sort of lion necklace. It was basically a piece of orange card stock with a lion printed on it, strung up on a string like a giant crazy necklace. All of my kids loved it. However, I'm not entirely sure what the lesson was about, as I couldn't get Ovaka to give me anything even remotely resembling a coherent answer. I'll go ahead and post the pic of the handout, and then give you some of my favorite answers I got from Ovaka regarding what the handout symbolized.  Here we go:

(Please note that Ovaka chewed off the top corner in the car on the way home from church.)

In no particular order, here are some of the lovely answers I got when I asked him about his nursery handout today.

-It's a golden twophy (trophy) sent to me fwom Jesus.

-It's a REAL lion, and it bite me. My hand bweeded (bled) all day long.

-I learn about Jesus. What did I learn? I DON'T KNOW!!!!

-They maked (made) us wear cwazy (crazy) animals on our necks. I tink dey (think they) want us to fight each other. Next time, I'll do "Anaconda Squeeze" like Nacho Weebway (Nacho Libre), ok, Mom?

So...yeah. Sorry I don't have a more coherent church story to share today. If any of his nursery leaders are reading this, can you please tell me what the lesson was about today? I'm thinking maybe Daniel and the Lion's Den...

Ma'am? I think your son is licking the fence...

So, the title pretty much sums it up. I was leaning against the chain link fence watching Ilaiasi's game this afternoon, and one of the other parents tapped me on the shoulder, pointed in Ovaka's direction, and informed me that he thought my son was licking the fence. What do you say to that, really?

I looked over and saw this:

So I, of course, dealt with the situation like any rational parent would...I said, "What the heck, Ovaka?! That's super yucky. Now your mouth is gross!"

I took the following pictures as Ovaka attempted to explain what he was doing, and tell me why his mouth was not, in fact, yucky.

This kid...

Too smart for his own good...

I asked the kids to "pick up the toys."  As I watched, I got frustrated that Ovaka didn't seem to be helping; rather, he was marching around with the girlies' baby stroller on his head.  I told him again, "Ovaka! I said pick up the toys! Right now!!" With a glimmer in his eye, he smiled at me and said, "I do. See?!" And pointed to the toy he had "picked up" and carried around on his head. 

Being outsmarted by a two year old is not my favorite way to start the day. Just sayin.

Don't Worry, I Got This...

Asked Ovaka if he wanted me to help him with his hair this morning. His response? 

"Don't worry...I got this."

He went in the bathroom, and I could hear him doing SOMETHING, but had no idea what a fancy surprise I was in for when he returned:

I'm thinking we're going to have to review what constitutes an acceptable hairdo before he's "got this."  Goofy kid.

Religion According to Ovaka

It's that time again: Sundays are "Ask Ovaka About His Nursery Handout" Day. Here is today's picture:

Front:

Back:

So, today our conversation went like this...

Me: Ovaka, who are these people in the picture?

Ovaka (pointing to the people from left to right): Um...dat's Jesus. And dat one's Heavenly Father. And dat's my girlfriend. And dat's her other boyfriend.

Me: Really! Wow. That sounds like exciting stuff! What are they doing?

Ovaka: Jesus give dem wocks.

Me: Jesus gave them ROCKS?! Why would he do that?!

Ovaka: Um...he give dem wocks so they can throw it in the water and kill some fishes to eat.

So...there ya go. Missed the mark on the loaves, but definitely knew that fishes were involved even though they weren't pictured in this particular handout.

For the record, he mostly just wanted to keep turning it over to show me the circle he made on the back. He was particularly proud of that. Goofy kid.

I Thmell Thumthing...

So, today was my first day back to work in THREE YEARS. All things considered, it went really well. Because work went so well, something was bound to go amiss at home...that's just the way my life works. It would be too much to expect that all facets of my life would throw me a bone on the same day. At any rate, whilst I was basking in the moderate success of my first day back to work, I loaded the runts (sans-Sofia) into the car to take Ilaiasi to football practice. All seemed to be going well, but then Kamila randomly started crying. Then, out of seemingly nowhere, the poor girl starts retching and heaving and barfs ALL OVER herself. I watched the tragedy unfold in my rear view mirror, and couldn't do a damn thing about it. Alas.

As I stared in horror at the unfortunate scene unfolding in my backseat, I happened to glance back at Ovaka, who was buckled in next to Kamila. It was pretty awesome to watch his facial expressions transform from mildly surprised to interested to unsure to utterly disgusted. It seemed like Kamila vomited FOREVER, but it probably really only took maybe a minute, and when she was finally done, Ovaka pretended to be bored and slowly raised his little hand, waved it in front of his face, and said, "Um...I thmell thumtheeng." Ya think runt?!

Well, why not?!

So, people have been telling me for months that I should start blogging about all of the ridiculous nonsense my goofball kids do everyday.  Specifically, people often comment about my two year old son, Ovaka, who is known around these parts as The Goat Baby.  Why is he called The Goat Baby, you ask?  Well, the obvious answer is correct in this case: Ovaka is called a goat because he eats EVERYTHING.  Everything.  He has a particular preference for inedible, disgusting, and often expensive items, ranging from chewing the leather off of his shoes to licking dirt off of the field at my oldest son's football practice.  So, yeah...he's a goat.  And on top of that, he is a busy little booger that gets into absolutely everything.  E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G.  Everything.  The Goat Baby is a handful.  He's curious.  He's smart.  He's mischievous.  And he's a freaking GOAT that eats EVERYTHING.  Fortunately for him, he's got the most adorable twinkly eyes and a great smile that has saved him from getting severe punishments countless times, and that keep his mother from dropkicking him out the window when he's been super naughty.

Anyway, if you're reading this today, you're probably already familiar with Ovaka and his antics.  I'm thinking I'll just start by archiving some of my Facebook posts here so that all of my Ovaka stories are in one place.  Then, as new incidents happen, I'll add them.  I'm starting today with a sampling of Ovaka's Earliest Goat Moments.  Here are a few of my Facebook pictures and their captions from 2011-2012:

1. December 16, 2011: "Are you serious, Baby Goat? Yes, this just happened: Ovaka ate a giant hole in my comforter. I'm SO ready for this kid to be done teething. Obviously, I was NOT PLEASED to discover his latest meal. He's nuts." 


**Yes, I now realize how delusional I was to think that his chewing was just a passing phase.  Alas.**

2. November 19, 2011: "Me: Ovaka, did you eat the powdered doughnuts?
Ovaka: Uh-uh.
Um...pretty sure he did."


3. November 8, 2011: "The Billy Goat strikes again..."


4. October 26, 2011: "My baby billy goat, munching on some pillow fringe. *I actually had to fish some of the strings out of his mouth!* I honestly feel like I'm raising goats. Yesterday Ovaka ate an entire book of stamps in the time it took me to walk from my bed to my closet to put away some laundry. Seriously??!! Ridiculous."



5.  February 24, 2012: "Ovaka just came up to me, leaned in like he was going to give me a kiss, and then LICKED MY EYEBALL!! What the heck??!! I was so surprised, I didn't even have time to blink. What a weird kid."



6.  April 26, 2012: "The Goat was less than enthused when I told him he had to eat the bagel and not just suck off the cream cheese..."



7.  April 18, 2012: "Ovaka's response to my insistence that he not eat dirt."



8.  April 10, 2012: "It's been hours, and my stomach is still turning: earlier this afternoon, Ovaka pulled the giant scab off of his forehead AND ATE IT before I could fish it out of his mouth!!! Billy goats are super gross."



Ok, #s 9 and 10 don't have pics on my Facebook page, but these status updates were prime examples of The Goat Baby, so I'm adding the captions to a couple of random pics of him.

9.  December 18, 2012:  "There is nothing more frustrating and annoying than having Ovaka tell me he doesn't like a particular food. As I was contemplating what to make for dinner, I became almost irrationally angry when I realized Ovaka probably wouldn't eat what I planned to make. I'm just saying...if you have no problem eating handfuls of dirt, books of stamps, and the leather off of your church shoes, I'm thinking you forfeit your right to be a picky eater."



10.  November 23, 2012: "Care to hear a bit of post-Thanksgiving ridiculousness? My little Goat Baby Ovaka has been scavenging the leftovers all morning. He saw the pecan pie (that he's never tried before) and said, "Ew! Yucky grossy pie!" ....aaaaaand then proceeded to pop several discarded strawberry leaves and stems in his mouth and munch away -- because strawberry stems are not yucky or grossy, right?! Happy Black Friday, all!!"